Ash's List
by Luckenhaft
Summary: Ash's friends, family, rivals, and Team Rocket are tired of Ash's shit. So they make a list of 225 things he is forbidden to do or else they will betray him.


**Author's Notes: There needs to be more, "List of things (Insert Character Here.) is not allowed to do" stories. The Persona 3, Persona 3 Portable, Persona 4, and Persona 5 Protagonist got a story like this, and so did John and Jane Shepard and Joker from the Mass Effect series. I want a story like this for Sora from Kingdom Hearts, and it better involve countless NicoB references. On to the story!**

* * *

Today Ash Ketchum, a Pokémon Trainer from Pallet Town of the Kanto Region was returning home after finishing his journey through the Alola Region. Which like all of his other journey's travelling through the various regions of the Pokémon world can be summed up as the following: Made new friends who became his traveling companions, catch and befriend new Pokémon, find a rival to repeatedly lose to until the last battle where Ash has to win because it's a League Conference battle, **(Ignoring what happened with Alain for now.)** get stalked across the region by Team Rocket, get involved in wacky adventures **(READ: Filler.)** with the Character/Pokémon of the Day, encounter the local criminal organization of the region who for some reason always have to have Team in their name, foil their world domination/destruction plot involving Legendary Pokémon, meet and befriend said Legendary Pokémon, save the world again from rampaging Legendary Pokémon that are pissed because of Movie Villain(s) of the Day, compete in regional league conference and place somewhere between the top 8 or runner-up, and then go home.

It was upon walking into his home that Ash found his most recent traveling companions, his mother, his past traveling companions, his past and recent rivals, and oddly enough Team Rocket all gathered together in his living room without it being claustrophobic **(This guy has a spacious living room.)** waiting for him. Upon questioning if this is some sort of surprise welcome back party, Ash's mother stepped towards him and spoke.

"Sweetie this is an intervention."

 _'Uh oh.'_ Ash thought to himself having read plenty of Fanfictions to know everybody is about to betray him and he would have to spend a couple years hiding in a mountain to become the weird love child of Red and Silver.

Misty **(Ash's first traveling companion and the first of many female traveling companions the fans of the series 'ship; Ash with. You know I'm talking about you!)** stepped towards Ash and handed him a list which confused him because typically those stories never involve a list for the initial confrontation Ash has with his betrayers.

"We are not betraying you Ash. We are just tired of your inappropriate behavior and your crazy antics that make us all regret associating with you. So, read this list of things we want you to do and not to do." Misty said, and harsh I might add. Sheesh.

 _'How'd she know what I was thinking? Is she a psychic now?'_ Ash thought before he started reading the list.

The list contents are as such:

 **Things Ash Ketchum's Pokémon, family, friends, rivals, their family, and Team Rocket want to do or stop doing.**

 **1\. Giovanni is not your father.**

 **2\. Neither is Alder.**

 **3\. Alder is not secretly Cheren's dad.**

 **4\. Writing, "Gary's a dick" on a sign is rude. We don't care if he started it by writing, "Ash is a loser" on a sign.**

 **5\. You can't write something similar for Paul, Trip, or Cameron.**

 **6\. Neither can you write, "Mega Charizard X is Alain's crutch" Even if it's true.**

 **7\. Quit calling Gladion an Edgelord. Even if it's true. We don't want to know what that is, so stop trying to explain it to us.**

 **8\. Cease with giving insulting nicknames to Sophocles, Samson Oak, and Molayne. Oafphocles or Fat Lamer Clemont are crude. Abomination and Pedobear is harsh for Samson and insulting to Bewear's. Molame is rude. Hitler is accurate for Lysandre though.**

 **9\. Stop constantly reminding Alain that he helped Team Flare nearly destroy the Kalos region. No one cares that he and Malva were let off the hook without any repercussions because Alain was played like a clarinet and Malva had Face-Heel Turn.**

 **10\. If you're going to carry out your threat to go the, "real world" via Palkia to have Pikachu and Charizard torture the people that make the anime that is our life with lightning and fire because they made you look like fossilized fossil Pokémon shit for Sun and Moon anime, then can you have them bring me back as your traveling companion so we can be a couple.**

 **11\. No making Amourshipping or any other ship canon. The shippers of the non-canon/not-yet-canon ships will kidnap us and offer us up to their satanic lords.**

 **12\. Stop trying to get people to convert to the Cult of the Spiral Pokémon.**

Ash stops reading for a moment to say, "Praise Helix." Everyone else present just sighs in exasperation as Ash goes back to reading.

 **13\. Agreeing to go on a date with Serena if she will be the virgin sacrifice for your cult's rituals to give Omanyte a Mega Evolved Form is a no-no. Wouldn't it make more sense for Omastar to have a Mega Evolved Form?**

 **14\. You can't make a similar arrangement with Bonnie in exchange for spending the day doting on her and being her slave. You do that for her anyway whenever she is being cute, or expresses her desire for you to be her big brother instead of Clemont.**

 **15\. Reminding Clemont that Bonnie prefers you as her big brother instead of him is cruel. It's also cruel when Clemont hears it from Bonnie's mouth.**

 **16\. Please stop trying to be the son my dad never had in me.**

 **17\. Trying to get me and your mom to, "hook up" so you can be Bonnie's big brother for real isn't going to work out kid. We just aren't that into each other.**

 **18\. We don't care about whoever Yu Narukami is or how Bonnie is a cuter little sister than Nanako.**

 **19\. "Because they are idiots." is not an excuse to tell soon-to-be Pokémon Trainers that Omastar evolves INTO Omanyte and that there is no Flying-Type. There is only the Bird-Type.**

 **20\. You are never getting that True Final Battle with Alain where you win. Just get over it. Besides Ash-Greninja would lose to Mega Charizard X again anyway because Water-Types are weak to Fire-Types.**

Ash stops reading again to ask Brock, "What you smoking Brock?" Before he goes back to reading.

 **21\. Gary's middle name is not Motherfucking. Stop telling people that, or telling them Gary isn't lying when he is telling them that.**

 **22\. "They keep getting the cool Pokémon." is not a good reason to steal Salandit, Mareanie, Mimikyu, or Bewear from Team Rocket. Talk about a role reversal.**

 **23\. If they get a Jangmo-o or it's evolved forms then it's fair game.**

 **24\. You are not allowed to catch a Pikipek. It will evolve into a Trumbeak, and then into a Toucannon who will try to eat Mallow's Steenee as is normal for the series and we will all know the writers won't resist making that a nightmare fuel inducing running gag.**

 **25\. You can't get a Grubbin or its related evolutions because of Oafphocles. No matter how cool Vikavolt is, or how much he doesn't deserve such an awesome Pokémon.**

 **26\. You can't trade Pikachu for his Charjabug. Just have Team Rocket steal it for you and not do anything to stop it.**

 **27\. Why does Lana hate me? My trial is not bullshit for people who are afraid of getting attacked in the dark, and stop getting the question wrong repeatedly just to see me get electrocuted repeatedly for hours on end.**

 **28\. Kiawe is not a siscon for his sister. Don't be a siscon for Kiawe's sister. Or Lana's sisters.**

 **29\. When Lana's sister asks if you're her boyfriend your response is not, "We're getting married actually." Lana doesn't appreciate this no matter how much her blushing face says otherwise.**

 **30\. Mallow's food can't be so good it makes you... There are child present when reading this so we can't use that word but the sounds you make when you're eating this food are disturbing to hear for us and embarrassing for Mallow.**

 **31\. Lana and Kiawe blame you for their little sisters making similar sounds when they eat Mallow's cooking.**

 **32\. No one believes you when the context for agreeing with him that he will, "Smell ya later" is that you and his sister did IT in on his bed.**

 **33\. We are ignoring all evidence that contradict the previous rule that originates from Daisy's overly affectionate behavior towards you.**

 **34\. Ash you fucker! You fucked my sister!**

 **35\. I'm sorry Gary but Ash was the best I've only had.**

 **36\. Shouldn't it be, "The best I've ever had."**

 **37\. No I was right the first time. Anyways, Ash. I'll be waiting for you at the usual place when you are done with this list.**

 **38\. "I miss Brock." is not a good enough to imitate his flirting habit with women with greater success than he ever had. Why are the Nurse Joys, and whatever the plural form for Officer Jenny, and various other women whose profession involve or relate to Pokémon, cradle robbers?**

 **39\. My Ashy baby is a manwhore and it's all Brock's fault!**

 **40\. Iris, Dawn, Bianca, Georgia, Burgundy and you are never modeling Elesa's clothes for her. You stole the show and it was soul-crushing for the girls that a model of Elesa's caliber and her girlfriend Skyla think you are more beautiful than five actual girls.**

 **41\. Thank you for inviting me to witness your Charizard's one-sided curb stomp battle with Iris's Dragonite. The look on her face is something I'll remember for the rest of my life. It's a shame the rest of the world will never know this occurred due to the lack of recording devices around at the time. Anyway, if you're not doing anything tomorrow with Gary's sister, we can "train together" if you let borrow your Charizard to clean sweep Iris's team.**

 **42\. If you, "train together" with Georgia I will be there for your every waking moment in your life to torment you by calling you a little kid.**

 **43\. These are nicknames you are forbidden to give to your Pokémon for obvious and copyright reasons: Oshafail, Unfez-Trading-You-For-A-Braviary, Japanese Mickey, and Oshalet.**

 **44\. Your Rowlet was so happy a few days after evolving into Dartrix that it evolved again into Decidueye when you stop giving a name that associated him with the bitter disappointment that is your Oshawott.**

 **45\. You can't nickname your friend's Pokémon with accurate nicknames such as, "Sluttychu" for Iris's Emolga or, "Trolledfish" for Cilan's Stunfisk.**

 **46\. Oafphocles doesn't appreciate you trying to form a deeper bond with his Togedemaru so it will want you as his trainer, just so you can nickname it, "Metalchu"**

 **47\. Please order your Muk to stop trying to eat/rape me. Sick it on my cousin Samson instead. You hate him just as much as I do.**

 **48\. Trip is not, "Cheren -2.0" No matter how on the nose that is.**

 **49\. Bianca's dad is not Yusei Fudo.**

 **50\. Mewtwo is not going to steal the moon.**

 **51\. Stop conspiring with Palkia to get the moon to drop so your Squirtle can turn the Temple of the Sea into a giant fighting robot with water drills to punch out the moon. That's the home of the Manaphy who is May's child.**

 **52\. We are horrible people for keeping quiet about Dialga telling us you had a Celebi send you back in time to possess and then stop yourself from preventing Cameron from falling off that cliff. The only consolation we take in this is that the world has one less abomination in it. Now what are we going to do about Samson Oak.**

 **54\. Iris and Shannon are just friends. Stop suggesting otherwise. Look how upset Shannon is at you when Iris is denying ever having any interest in Shannon in that form.**

 **55\. I'm still at mad you for resolving my rivalry with Miette by suggesting we should, "Kiss and make up." You were supposed to be my first kiss, not Miette!**

 **56\. Telling Burgundy she really needs to get laid was inappropriate while you were staring intently at Cilan. Just what do you think you were implying?**

 **57\. Molly Hale is a family friend. She is not your cousin or little sister.**

 **58\. Lillie's still sore you decided to join Aether Foundation after that, "late night swim" you had with Wicke. Please apologize for doing her mom's subordinate.**

 **59\. Gladion will never forgive you for letting Lillie borrow some of your Pokémon so she could join Team Skull. Guzma's still pissed Lillie took over and gave him the boot.**

 **60\. You're not allowed to track down Riley, get a Riolu or Lucario, or find some way to reunite with Sir Aaron and/or his Lucario so you can become a Jedi and then later a god.**

 **61\. You're not getting a Dunsparce. What's so great about Dunsparce anyway?**

 **62\. Helping Shuckle gain an evolved form is not helping when in the process Shuckle dies because you had him ingest a drink with ground-up evolutionary stones. The fact Shuckle came back as a ghost does not mean Shuckle became a Tankier Shedinja. Shuckle should just accept he has been abandoned by GameFreak like Jynx has.**

 **63\. Your Squirtle is not helping Jynx get a Mega Evolved Form. It's weird and unnatural he managed to get one for himself.**

 **64\. Your Greninja prefers the nickname Frokage over Mixeli. You still should figure out what will be a good thank you present to give that Pokeli guy who trained Greninja and made him more OP.**

 **65\. Burgh is not going to paint you, "Like one of his Kalos girls."**

 **66\. "They're my OTP." is not an excuse to spread fan art you commissioned Mina to make of Roxie and Janine being cute together. Janine's ninja thing becomes difficult for her when people know what she looks like.**

 **67\. You're not allowed to show off that your Pikachu can electrocute and hurt Ground-types occasionally to Surge, Wattson, Volkner, or Elesa. Dawn's Buneary doesn't appreciate that she has competition now in the form of Surge's Raichu and Elesa's Emolga. Whom are only after Pikachu because they want their children to be able to hurt Ground-types occasionally like Pikachu can.**

 **68\. "I want to adopt Emma before those weirdos Looker or Xerosic become her father-figures." is not an excuse to run back to Kalos and become a hobo.**

 **69\. If you become a hobo, you can't share the cardboard box that will be your home with AZ. He's a giant and who knows what disease-carrying bacteria from his pre-immortal life he has been carrying around all this time.**

 **70\. Those four chicks from Team Flare are not, "Lysandre's bitches."**

 **71\. We are starting to suspect Mallow is putting actual aphrodisiacs after that feast you suggested she make for Olivia to get her (Olivia) to notice her (Mallow) worked out horribly right in that the next day Olivia announced to everyone that she and Mallow were dating now.**

 **72\. Thanks Ash for helping me score my older sister figure/mentor figure/lady crush. Kiawe's still pissed though you ruined any chance he had with Olivia.**

 **73\. Kukui is not a masked wrestler. You aren't allowed to disprove this by getting Scraggy, Bulbasaur, Heracross, and Infernape, to help you curb stomp the Masked Royal so you can unmask him. His fans, and Burnet would be pissed.**

 **74\. "Kukui's and Burnet's marriage is fucked up and should be ruined." is not an excuse to defeat and unmask the Masked Royal so Kukui goes after him. They had an agreement that Kukui wouldn't go after Masked Royal for seeing his wife so long as Masked Royal remains unmasked.**

 **75\. What happens in Alola stays in Alola.**

 **76\. Alexa is not Pokémon's Lois Lane.**

 **77\. She is also not April O'Neil, Gale Weathers or the female Ron Burgundy. She doesn't want your help to gain an appreciation for scotch so she can be more like Drunk Yukiko, whoever that is.**

 **78\. "I'd be better at it." is not an excuse to start a criminal organization led by children to take over the world.**

 **79\. You're never going to have a battle with Virgil. Stop stalking him, and let it go.**

 **80\. Stop randomly singing, "Let it go."**

 **81\. Kukui doesn't appreciate you having Rotomdex play, "Hot For Teacher" whenever he starts teaching at that Pokémon school you didn't need to attend when you went to Alola. We don't care how accurate it is for most of his students.**

 **82\. No matter what Samson Oak tells you, he is not the principal of the Pokémon School for the Alola region. He kidnapped the actual principal and fired all the staff in the school, made Kukui the replacement, expelled all the students, and enrolled the soon-to-be Trial Captains and Lillie so we could have a transparent excuse for why are not traveling the region.**

 **83\. Sina and Dexio are lying. Professor Sycamore fired them as his assistants when Officer Jenny threatened to sue him for the property damage, breaking and entering, vigilantism, and walking whilst unstylish they were doing when they were failing to be super heroes.**

 **84\. "Reuniting Bonnie with Squishy." is not an excuse to risk those two idiots getting their hands on the Complete Zygarde. We are pretty sure they stole the technology to gather his cells and merge them together into the Complete Zygarde from Team Flare. By the way Looker is launching an investigation into them to see if they were possible members of Team Flare.**

 **85\. Rotomdex doesn't appreciate you wishing you had a Porygon in your Pokédex like the Ash from Ashes of the Past has one in his. What the heck is a Porygon anyway?**

 **86\. Splash is not the strongest Pokémon move ever. Stop telling people every time a Magickarp uses Splash, a world ends.**

 **87\. Stop saying, "In accordance with the prophecy." after everything. We don't care how you seem to be at the center of numerous end of the world prophecies.**

 **88\. N's sisters are not his bitches. That's just... There's so much wrong with that statement.**

 **89\. The Shadow Triad are not Traps. N can attest to the fact they are dudes does not mean he checked.**

 **90\. No, we don't want you to check either.**

 **91\. Breaking into prison to break into Ghetsis's cell to beat him into a coma with cabbages because, "He got off easy compared to what happened to his Game Counterpart." is still illegal. Even if N, and Reshiram help you do it. You can't do the same for Lysandre by blowing up the prison and burying him alive. The Ultimate Weapon isn't there to activate, turn him and his Pokémon immortal, and still leave him trapped under the rubble for a couple centuries to go crazy so when he gets out he can take the slow path to committing Omnicide.**

 **92\. Brandon is not Paul's dad.**

 **93\. Cyrus is Satan, not Paul's dad.**

 **94\. Ursula doesn't appreciate you and Dawn asking her to give the Little Mermaid her voice back so she can score with Prince Sexy who she barely even knows. The Little Mermaid is a terrible love story no matter what Misty, and Lana say about it.**

 **95\. Encouraging Dawn and Zoey to bond does not mean, "Make out." No matter how eager Zoey is to go along with it.**

 **96\. Dawn and Princess Salvia are not long-lost twins. It's just a coincidence. Johanna refusing to speak talk about is not evidence that Salvia's father had a mistress and that Dawn is a princess.**

 **97\. You're never getting that threesome with Dawn and Princess Salvia. We are all pretty sure that Princess Salvia is more into Dawn than you due to all those weird letters she has been sending Dawn.**

 **98\. Harley is not fabulous, stop helping his delusions of grandeur.**

 **99\. Drew prefers Debonair to being called, "a pretentious douchebag."**

 **100\. You can't be struggling with puberty and hormones because you are 10 years old and 10 years old you will stay until we are all nothing but dust and ashes.**

 **101\. You're not getting an Absol. They're all afraid of you.**

 **102\. Stop testing to see if your inability to age past 10 means you are immortal like AZ.**

 **103\. The Dragon-type Pokémon of the world would lose their shit if you got a Mawile. Don't get a Mawile.**

 **104\. Gyarados don't need your help learning how to fly. You can't have Mewtwo clone on that does fly. Levitation is not flight.**

 **105\. "Because they should be able to learn it." is not a reason to teach Close Combat to Swellow, Noctowl, and Unfez-Trading-You-For-A-Braviary.**

 **106\. You can't agree to letting your Swellow breed with Skyla, Winona, or Kahili's Flying-types if they go on a date with you, and it can't be one date with all three of them. The Electric-types of the world will never forgive you for making it a common thing for Flying-types to not bat an eye when electrocuted.**

 **106\. Lillie, Mallow, and Lana enjoyed the date they had with you, but for future reference girls prefer it if the number of people going on a date are just 2.**

 **107\. Stop trying to catch Team Rocket's Meowth so you make him teach your other Pokémon how to speak human. That would end terribly considering that accent he has.**

 **108\. That Rusty kid with the jacked-up god Bidoof is an even more terrible Pokémon Trainer than you or Cameron ever were. Which is horrifying to imagine someone whose worse than Cameron.**

 **109\. "He gave me a bad grade." is not a reason to get the Phantom Thieves to change Kukui's heart. That's your own fault.**

 **110\. Getting a hat that says, "Get Smoked" does not mean your name is Shinya Oda. You are Ash Ketchum.**

 **111\. If there is an actual Fairy-type Trial for Poni island it will not involve you getting Valerie to model nude for Mina.**

 **112\. You can't model nude for Mina.**

 **113\. Lillie won't either.**

 **114\. No one is modeling nude for Mina.**

 **115\. You can't introduce Mina to Yusuke Kitagawa so he can get her to be a sexy weirdo like him.**

 **116\. Clorox is not something you can identify your sexual orientation as.**

 **117\. Valerie does not have a Fairy-type coven. All evidence to the contrary is to be ignored. You can't be the virgin sacrifice for their rituals because you ARE NOT A VIRGIN!**

 **118\. Consenting to letting Sabrina do, 'stuff' in your head so you can Trade Boldore for Haunter so they can both evolve and she can give you your new Gigalith was stupid. Who knows what else she did while she was crawling in your custard.**

 **119\. We don't want to know what she did in your noggin.**

 **120\. Darach would like to have word with you about making a similar arrangement with Caitlin that involved you getting a Smoochum or a Beldum. There are other ways of getting a Psychic-type that don't involve getting literally mindfucked.**

 **121\. Stop pimping your body and mind out in exchange for Pokémon!**

 **121\. Don't pimp out your body and mind because, "Everyone wins anyway."**

 **122\. If somebody offers to do similar things to your soul that Sabrina and Caitlin did to your mind, you refuse.**

 **123\. "Lusamine is bae." is not an excuse to help her kidnap Nebby.**

 **124\. Lusamine is obviously insane if she thought your Alola Form was beautiful. That should have been you first hint she was evil.**

 **125\. Your second hint was when she asked if she could keep you beautiful forever.**

 **126\. You can't track down Lillie, and Gladion's dad and kill him so you can marry their mom and become their new daddy. Talk about a match made in hell.**

 **127\. We are getting an exorcist to see if the spirit of the King of Pokélantis hasn't possessed you again.**

 **128\. The exorcist can't be Rin Okumura.**

 **129\. Ilima is a boy. We don't need you to check.**

 **130\. Red is not your father or related to you in anyway.**

 **131\. Silver is not your brother or half-brother.**

 **132\. Iris does not have a girl crush on Clair. She doesn't know what love is.**

 **133\. Clair and Lance aren't an item despite what the Internet tells you. That's just sick.**

 **134\. Rotomdex has seen your Internet search history and you should be ashamed of yourself for not turning on the feature that comes with most Internet search engines that make it so they don't keep a record of what you have looked up.**

 **135\. You can't bribe Arceus with the souls of the damned so he can give your Bayleef, the Altomare Latias, and Meloetta human-ish forms.**

 **136\. You can't bribe Cyrus with the souls of the damned either. Where are you getting these souls from anyway?**

 **137\. You can't give Bayleef the nickname: Baeleef.**

 **138\. Please stop arguing with people on the internet about who is Best Girl. This kind of senseless violence needs to stop. It should be obvious who Best Girl is anyway.**

 **139\. "Wally's a cinnamon bun." is very true, but it makes him uncomfortable when YOU are being overly affectionate to him also Bonnie, Serena, and Lillie don't like it either.**

 **140\. Bianca takes offense to only the latter part of the following: Adorable airhead.**

 **141\. Bianca is not worse than Rito Yuuki. At least when accidents happen around her, she doesn't end up with her face in someone's crotch/chest/butt and/or fondling said areas.**

 **142\. No one is buying the excuse that you are just clumsy like Bianca when the previously described incidents happen around you.**

 **143\. You can't go back to the Unova region to undo everything that went wrong there, so you can make Rosa/Mei your traveling companion. Serena, Iris, Lana, and Lillie would riot if you spent time with that girl who is way too stacked to be a 10-year-old.**

 **144\. Ritchie is not your clone. We don't need you to check. How would you even check that?**

 **145\. Tobias is not, "evil you from a bad future sent to murder you to preserve the timeline." If he killed you then wouldn't that undo the bad future from happening?**

 **146\. You are not getting Legendary Pokémon. The world wouldn't last a day if you got Legendary Pokémon.**

 **147\. No one believes you met Marshadow during your first journey. Everything that you think happened that involved that encounter was because of the drugs you stole from Erika.**

 **148\. You are not allowed to burn down Erika's gym again.**

 **149\. You're forbidden from making Erika kill herself by wearing her clothes better than her.**

 **150\. Making Whitney rage quit by wrecking her gym is frowned upon even if countless people who struggled to beat her consider you a hero for making it happen.**

 **151\. Cynthia is not Yandere for you. We refuse to talk about the fact we ran into her in Kalos and the Alola region. That's just stalking.**

 **152\. "She's terrible at her job." is not an excuse depose Diantha and have that Calem kid who is depressed about how corrupt the Kalos region Pokémon league is, help you. She, Siebold, and Sycamore SHOULD be under investigation for suspicion of knowing what Malva and Lysandre were up to and not doing anything because of the Power of Friendship, but life is simply unfair as that guy in the Murkrow costume who kidnapped those 9 people because his motives were complex had said. What guarantee do we have that Calem wouldn't just turn Kalos into a dictatorship?**

 **153\. We have warned the regional league Champions to not challenge you so you can't take over the region and make life there a dictatorship or a dystopia. We are pretty sure you will rig the match in your favor by having Team Rocket interfere.**

 **154\. Pokémon Hunter J is not a relative of Officer Jenny. She's dead anyway, right?**

 **155\. You will not find out if she is still alive, or resurrect her with some satanic ritual so she can be your personal hitwoman/bodyguard babe.**

 **156\. Pokémon Hunter J and Lawrence III are not related.**

 **157\. Rotomdex can't plug you into the Matrix... yet... please stop asking.**

 **158\. Your Noivern shall not be nicknamed: Alduin. Paarthurnax, or Odahviing are better alternatives.**

 **159\. Gumshoos will not make Unova great again, or build a wall around the Alola region.**

 **160\. Gumshoos is not the True Final Boss of Pokémon Sun and Moon or their Ultra remakes. Gumshoos will not rip his shirt off and become really fucking jacked because of nanomachines or cognitive pscience.**

 **161\. Serena is not proof of Kalos's unconditional surrender to Kanto.**

 **162\. Grimsley is a weeb for wearing that kimono in Alola. We don't need you stating the obvious.**

 **163\. You will not yell, "Burgers are Miltanks." in front of small children, or Whitney.**

 **164\. Not allowed to use this list as a checklist.**

 **165\. The Burned Tower was not, nor was it ever, a temple for human sacrifices.**

 **166\. You can steal Looker's crowbar Yes, you are the top of your class somehow. No this does not mean we will call you Gordon Freeman.**

 **167\. You are not getting a Gardevoir, nicknaming it Chell, giving it an orange jumpsuit, and trapping it in some facility underground with a homicidal Porygon for shits and giggles.**

 **168\. Quit running errands for Lillie's Vulpix. You are not Yu Narukami, and Lillie's Vulpix is not your Hermit Social Link.**

 **169\. We don't want to know what Lillie's Vulpix is doing with the money you two are making.**

 **170\. Quit doing things inspired by the list made by the friends of Yu Narukami, Makoto Yuki, Minako Arisato, Akira Kurusu, Joker, and Jane Shepard.**

 **171\. Gyarados is not the Guardian of Inaba.**

 **172\. Stop playing Pokémon Go and give your actual Pokémon some attention.**

 **173\. Looker is not Sherlock Holmes.**

 **174\. Neither is Cilan.**

 **175\. Neither of them have a vacation home on 221B Baker Street.**

 **176\. You can't throw a crazy wild party involving alcohol, drugs, and hookers at Caitlin's villa in Undella Town again. There's a reason Cynthia had to get her own vacation home there.**

 **177\. You can't borrow Cynthia, Caitlin, or Lillie's Butlers and nickname them Alfred so you can become Zubatman. Gligarman from Johto called us and requested you as his successor unfortunately.**

 **178\. Pokémon who learn Draining Kiss are not hos.**

 **179\. You are not allowed to use Red as an alternate name whilst in hiding from the world. It's uninspired and transparent.**

 **180\. When we shut up for five minutes it means, "What the hell did you just do?" not, "Please continue."**

 **181\. You are not getting Victini to nuke the shit out of the Ultra Space.**

 **182\. You will not teach Charizard, Blast Burn to nuke the shit out of the Ultra Space instead.**

 **183\. You are not nuking the Distortion World either.**

 **184\. You are not nuking anything. Ever.**

 **185\. Mountains, the Laws of Physics, Reality itself, or just about anything you or your Squirtle can think of are not challenges to your honor or Squirtle's Fighting Spirit.**

 **186\. Whismur, Loudred, or Exploud are not the Dragonborn's children.**

 **187\. Misty's Psyduck must not learn Calm Mind. Mewtwo, Sabrina, and Caitlin got their shit wrecked trying to neutralize that duck.**

 **188\. You are to stop paying Janine, and Koga to find dirt on everyone.**

 **189\. You are banned from using any of the ride Pokémon in the Alola region.**

 **190\. Stop planning assassination ideas for Freddy O'Martian. You're on thin ice as is.**

 **191\. Stop planning prank ideas for Charles Goodshow. _You're on thin ice as is._**

 **192\. Stop planning seduction ideas for Queen Ilene, Princess Sara, and/or Princess Salvia. YOU'RE ON THIN ICE AS IS.**

 **193\. Stop planning seduction ideas with Princess Allie to make Clemont her prince.**

 **194\. There is no Anti-Ash conspiracy going on in this world. That's the anime writer's thing.**

 **195\. This list is not evidence that such a conspiracy exists in this world. Your being paranoid.**

 **196\. We do not want to read any of Shauntal's fanfiction.**

 **197\. Stop giving her ideas for her fanfiction.**

 **198\. We will never forgive you for introducing Shauntal to Mina. The subject matter of the hentai those two are making don't approve of what you have done.**

 **199\. No one is your, "Minions."**

 **200\. This list is a compilation of nearly two decades worth of traveling with you. How have you not been institutionalized yet?**

 **201\. Your secret army of ninjas isn't that secret considering it's Koga, Janine, that ninja guy we met in Kalos, and those ninja people who were there when Brock got Bonsly.**

 **202\. You are not allowed to be cloned. The world would shit itself, and we are even contemplating making sure YOU can't breed.**

 **203\. Stop making fun of Brock's pickup lines. It's cruel to make fun of the disabled.**

 **204\. Team Plasma are not the Knight Who Say Ni.**

 **205\. No one is playing Mystery Dungeons and Dragon-Types with you. You are a cruel Dungeon Master.**

 **206\. Forbidden to bring up Professor Philena Ivy when Brock is around.**

 **207\. Forbidden to catch another Ice-Type because of Iris.**

 **208\. Forbidden to catch a Purrloin because of Simon.**

 **209\. Anabel's new look is great. Stop calling her Kirigiri from Dangan Ronpa though. Even if it's a compliment.**

 **210\. You are not allowed to lasso and ride a Gyarados or its Mega Evolved Form.**

 **211\. May doesn't want to know how you got her Skitty to breed with Wailord.**

 **212\. Clemont, Oafphocles, Colress, or anyone who is capable of doing it will not build you any of the following: A giant transforming robot, a lightsaber, a satellite laser canon to rain death down on your enemies from beyond the heavens, rail guns, Gatling lasers, a portal gun, a TARDIS, a Metal Gear, a vehicle of any kind with a 'ludicrous' setting, a lounge chair that doubles as a tank, an Iron Man suit, or anything you ask them to make for you to terrorize the world with.**

 **213\. We are doing something about that hair of yours. It's been like that since you were 5. Which was probably nearly 2 and a half decades ago.**

 **214\. Sharing embarrassing stories with the relatives of any of your traveling companions is forbidden.**

 **215\. Cilan is not Light Yagami. He does not have a Shinigami following him around. He doesn't have a Death Note or a cult.**

 **216\. You're not allowed to go to the Orre region. You will either die there, or take over.**

 **217\. Whenever we get involved in a world endangering incident, please remember this is Tuesday for you instead of treating this like it isn't an everyday occurrence. It goes a long way to instill confidence in the less experienced people that everything will turn out fine.**

 **218\. You can't have flashbacks to wars you were not in unless a Celebi is around to prove you did due to timey-wimey shenanigans.**

 **219\. Surge is not a Unovan Insurgent here to disrupt our way of life.**

 **220\. Surge, Koga, and Sabrina are not members of or affiliated with Team Rocket in any way shape or form.**

 **221\. Nurse Joy, Officer Jenny, Don George, and their relatives are not evidence of a cloning conspiracy and they are not part of a hive mind either.**

 **222\. Crucifixes do not ward off the following: Cyrus, Evil Togepi, Acerola, James's Fiancé, Mimikyu, Ultra Beast, Malva, Xerosic, Ghetsis, Samson Oak, Cameron, and Mairin.**

 **223\. Lana appreciates you making her lies reality. Team Aqua did not appreciate you catching a Kyogre and giving it to Lana.**

 **224\. Maxie's new look does make him look like a nerd. You don't need to constantly remind him of that. He tried to destroy the world the last time somebody made fun of his appearance.**

 **225\. The GS Ball just won't open, please stop trying. Black holes produced by Brandon's Dusclops won't tear it open. Jirachi can't wish it open. Arceus doesn't know it's contents and can't will it open for some reason. All you are your doing is giving it more power the more you frustrate yourself trying to open it.**

Ash finishes reading the list. Before he can ask what is he supposed to do for fun, Misty speaks up, "If you don't adhere to the list we will betray you."

Professor Oak steps in next, "I'll have your Trainer's License revoked, and the Elite Four and Lance will personally confiscate and give away your Pokémon to Trainers you don't like such as Trip, or Alain."

Ash frowns as he pockets the list planning to later go over it again to figure out some loopholes to abuse. He turns and leaves with this eloquent comment delivered to his first rival, "Later Gary. I'm off to fuck your sister at the Professor's lab."

As Ash closes the door behind him on the way out, Gary is left there speechless trying to formulate something witty to say other than, "Stop fucking my sister!"

Professor Oak shakes his head in exasperation as he must arrange for his lab to be burned down again the next day.

The next day Georgia is loaned Ash's Charizard by Liza of the Charicific Valley, and Iris is curb stomped by her rival. Then Ash and Georgia go on a, 'not-date'.

Also, Kiawe's Charizard learned Blast Burn courtesy of Ash, and tested it on the Celadon City Gym. Erika stood before a smoldering crater that was formerly her gym with a twitch in her eye. She closes her eyes, takes in a deep breath, and exhales before speaking.

"KETCHUM!"

* * *

 **Author's Notes: THE END! But not really because the reviewers will come up with better items for this list than I did. Also, this turned out to be way longer of a read than I intended. Forgive me if after the first hundred items this became something of a chore to read.**


End file.
